The Montfort Chronicles

I have been ignoring you of late. I have no excuse, except that I am subject to the laws of my university, which compel me to study for meaningless examinations which reveal nothing about my usefulness in the real world.. Alas, for such is the sad travesty that our system of education has become; a pointless exercise in futility. Thankfully, Montfort had an easy curriculum that most of us breezed through. Of course, the ASLC system screwed most of us over when we left school and found out that undergraduate education was not quite the cakewalk that we had been prepared for. Now that I look back, failing subjects in Montfort might have had quite some charm about it. Or perhaps it’s just my tendency to associate everything Montfort-related with a sense of nostalgic charm. I know people who could have gotten first rank but didn’t cause they failed art. When the time came, Karadi and other principals went about dispensing report cards and beatings on the butt. Fuse of course, has dispensed with this charming little custom. Caught up as he is with administrivia and the iron-gripped rule of his kingdom, he has long lost any need to interact with its subjects, except perhaps to occasionally fist them and give them uppercuts when he feels the need for a little stress-relief. Talking of Fuse, does anyone have any info on the origins of his name? It seems like the only people who can tell me are from the batches of the 80’s and frankly, there don’t seem to be many of those on the net. If any of you know, do write in.

The recent Virginia Tech massacre jolted me outta my intense mugging marathon (make that movie marathon). After I’d spent sufficient time mourning the deaths of the unfortunately deceased, I started wondering : “ If guns were legalized in Montfort, who would be the most likely brother/ teacher to go ballistic and start shooting folks up?”

It definitely wouldn’t be Fuse. That guy’s the kinda, cold, calculating sonuvabitch who’d read Sun Tzu’s Art of War and use its tactics to mastermind a chilling plan for your annihilation. Guns aint his style. The Brothers Antony ( both Arnie and the food in-charge bloke) both seem too peace loving and Gandhian to adopt any sort of violence. Besides the only bullets canteen-Antony believed in was the was of the Enfield variety. Augustine would be too much of a pansy to do it. If he had to kill people, he’d lecture them till they got so irritated and bored they’d commit suicide. Karadi (Sebastian) seems more the wrestler type; kinda bloke who’d pin you down and squeeze the life outta you with a slow bear-hug. The other Bro. George ( who was prince from 92-94) has been rumoured to have a liking for fair young boys, so if he were to choose a way to kill people, he’d prefer sodomising the students and killin’ em with AIDS. I doubt there’s any truth to these rumours and I deeply respect the guy, but hey, like they say, There is no smoke without fire, so it does make me wonder.

To continue, Bro, Anselm wouldn’t hurt a fly let alone kill a guy. Bro Wilfrid is a similarly lovable old dinosaur with a heart of gold. Bro Jose, who had a notorious temper, is unfortunately the late Bro. Jose, having given up the ghost due to a regrettable love of the bottle. Liver failure, I think. Bro. Varghese was a nice bloke too, no violent tendencies there. That leaves Augustine( of Belinda fame) Joseph Louis and KK. These three had such infamous tempers that I’d believe them capable of anything. Joseph Louis especially could be one violent
sonuvagun. Of course, I've only heard rumours, but he seems like a savage guy.

Moving on to teachers leaves us with a plethora of possible trigger happy nutters with the temperament of the likes of Idi Amin. Offhand, Roland, Frenchie, Robert Bellaramin(Bella), Chandrasekhar ( Chemi ) and Adrian come to mind. Adrian especially had an infamously short fuse, probably triggered off by a Napolean complex of sorts; a need to show the world that despite his small stature, he could sure pack a punch. Remember Joe Pesci’s character in Goodfellas? Same thing.

The female teachers seemed docile enough. Though most had bark, few had bite. We’ve all felt Maam’s cane and Hookens’ stick too on our butts once or twice, but these crazy old loons wouldn’t hurt a fly. One possible candidate I may have overlooked is Suresh Babu, fondly called Sus Babes. This guy sure had certain principles and once famously remarked when he found some guys stamping on the NCC beret, Stamping the NCC beret is like stamping me, man. Whether he would go stir-crazy and start rainin down bullets is questionable, but the fellow sure had a temper sometimes.

If I had to place my bets on one individual, I’d say Adrian. Man this little fella could go buck-wild and crazy sometimes. In fact, just reading ‘bout me calling him a li’l fella might set him off. Most times, he was cool as ice. His classes were interesting. He’s helped me copy during exams, asking other classmates for the answer and coming back and telling me. But if you get on his bad side and give him a gun, you’d best not start planning for the future, cos boy oh boy, there isn’t gonna be one.